The Cockney Awkestra

The Awkestra syllabus consists of three main courses: Knees Up, Ding Dong and Shy Theory

1. Knees Up

The historical origins of the Knees Up are still an area of active dispute, but it is widely believed to be a primitive mating ritual. Students will be introduced to the traditional three-man Knees Up and taught the basic movements (knees-up, knees-down etc.).

Examination will be in the form of a traditional Knees Up contest, the student who is able to sound the Bell of Bow most times being awarded a lovely tin of treacle.

Many employers regard having studied Knees-Up as a sign of individuality and Knees-Up graduates can be found in careers as diverse as city banking and poultry farming.



2. Ding Dong

The Ding Dong is an ancient Cockney healing treatment generally undertaken in public with piano accompaniment. Students participating in the Ding Dong module are likely to feel a sense of release and elation as ding donging is widely recognised to release Serotonin into the brain, reduce stress, combat ageing and cure the common cold.

As with all the courses, the ding dong is accompanied by live music.



3. Coconut Shys

This applied vocational course will equip students with the skills needed to find gainful employment at the end of their studies. Specifically we will be looking at the running of a simple human coconut shy (don't be shy - we're the shy), economics (how the credit crunch has affected "only a penny a pitch" rule) and physics (specifically classical mechanics and coco-theory).